Names

Three months into my time here in Thailand and there's one word I hate more than any other...Farang.

Farangs are the Thai word for Guavas but it's also the term Thai's use to describe anyone of western decent. Rarely is the word used in a positive way. Instead, the word is used with either a neutral or negative connotation. It's a constant reminder that you're not Thai and everyone knows it. It's a way to refer to you without using an actual name.

I must give the Thai people a little bit of slack. There are certain tourists that deserve the name entirely! There are the completely clueless 20-30 some year old who completely disregard Thailand's view of modesty and know nothing, and care nothing, about the country they've decided to visit. Then there are those tourists I detest even more: the business man who clearly is just here for the cheap women he is able to find every night. 

Whenever I meet someone for the first time, that word will come up. Usually it's not used to your face, but used as the person you're speaking with turns to their companions to then talk about you while you're still standing right beside them. Your name is lost and all you seem to be is "farang". It'd be one thing if I fell into one of those categories mentioned above, but I do all I can to be sure I don't. I eat rice every meal and use Thai words for everything I know. I can cook Thai food and follow the schedule given to me, even when everything is last minute and it usually feels like I'm just being pulled from one place to the next.

It shouldn't be a surprise given that Southeastern Asia is known for being exclusive when it comes to race and nationality. It's not unusual to hear of other Asian countries being made fun of because of accent or even looks. Yes, Thailand has a different view of political correctness! Despite the very real negative or neutral feelings about other countries, feelings have a deep root at home as well. Even here in Thailand, my girls will be asked if they're fully Thai (meaning they have their citizenship and are not from one of the many hill tribes where home births and local traditions kept them from being registered at birth.) They constantly worry about not having white enough skin or wide enough eyes because of the Asian beauty standards adopted from Korea. Everyone seems to be trying to fit into a mold and yet the mold seems ready only to accept a certain type of person.

Today, as a local visitor kept calling me that five letter word, I began to think about how much I hate it. How much I wish could change to fit in but knowing that no matter what I do, people like that would never consider me anything but simply not one of "them". Every time she would laugh at how I did things differently (such as helping the girls clean up from a project instead of standing around as is more the custom of adults here in Thailand when children are able to work), the word would come out and her head would shake as if to say, "Stupid girl. So strange and different." About that time was when my thoughts turned away from myself and to someone else who knows what it's like to be misunderstood.

Blasphemer...Liar...a Demon...

Only a few of the names Jesus was called when He came down to earth. Although not believed, here He was, from a whole different world/universe and so completely misunderstood. Illegitimate: He must have been called whenever his lineage was brought up or the story of His mysterious birth mentioned. Cruel: when people just held onto the words of rebuke He gave to the Pharisees instead of noting the tears in His eyes. Sinful: when women of ill reputation or men of shifty characters came around to follow Him. Through it all, the people who called Him these names had no idea His mission was not of Himself or how much the courts of heaven must have yearned for Him to forsake it all and just come home. Yet it was those people Jesus was here for...and it certainly is for us that He came. Nearly everyone didn't understand...so many still don't understand...and yet a small few did realize who He was: the "sinners" who experienced the life changing power of Jesus, the Centurions who found Him to be greater than their own strength, the Samaritans that found acceptance at last in the faith they still clung on to, and the thieves who found in Him their last hope.  

Staying here in Thailand has been a back and forth decision. So many times I've been on the fence about coming home. Each time, however, the thought of my girls kept me here. Months ago I wondered if they would ever understand the sacrifice I've given to be here or how much my own heart longs to just go home. For a while, I thought it would be a secret I kept with me even after I left. But just as there was a few who understood a part of why Jesus was here, so there are girls here who have caught a glimpse. "You must really love us", one of the oldest girls told me after not being able to understand why I was still here in what she felt was a less than optimal situation. 

When was the last time you stopped and told Jesus that very thing? Have you considered when singing Christmas carols or celebrating Easter just how foreign this world was to Jesus? The more I find myself wanting to walk in the footprints of Jesus, the more I realize how brave He was; how strong, compassionate and completely out-of-this-world selfless. You see I have my own names for Him, names I know He loves to hear from any of His children:

• My Comforter-even when we're all alone.

• My Forgiver-not matter the wrongs committed against Him.

• My Creator-from the largest galaxy to recreation of our hearts.

• My Beloved-like a faithful Husband to His wife.

• My Savior-for every moment of every day.

Who is Jesus to you? What names are your favorite to call Him by?